I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
