it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You made out with two different species that night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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