dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
