Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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