Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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