okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
