She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
