Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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