I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
