Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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