Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
