I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
