her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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