the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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