Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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