Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
