Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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