Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
