There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
