my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
