some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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