a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
