Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
