My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
