I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
