I think my vagina is haunted
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
