this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
