see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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