i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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