just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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