Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
