It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
