I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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