He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
