Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
