An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
