3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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