Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
