Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
