his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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