Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
should my penis look like a turkey
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
