Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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