I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
