but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
