Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
