I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
