Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
