the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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