tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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