Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Congratulations! We have a period
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