I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
