his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
