is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
