if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
